If i was not worried about my cats i would prefer to be dead. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. I was 18 and 18yrs when I meet him he was 21. Caregiver for close to 8 years. He left a big crater for everyone who knew him. Not my own plan. Its becoming real and it sucks. I know I dont want to live like this for any length of time anymore. totally Nothing in life has prepared me for this and Ive been forever altered by it. What did I do wrong? The timeline is based on data on when breakthrough infections occur. Dont understand it ? We have good days and bad days but the longing is always there. Kids will find their lifes and live it. In that, certain things will trigger moments of grief that did not occur in year one. He appears whenever I need him and this brings comfort. I have grown children but they have their lives and are busy with their kids activities. Cry everyday and pray everyday for strength and hope. I am at the beginning of the second year since John passed. The pain never goes away. I sat today looking through the plethora of pictures of her and I'm just so happy I had what little time I did with her. presidential tweets can be entertaining or they can spin me downward as i dont have my hubby to discuss this craziness with. You can see them coming. He was 13 years older than me but it never mattered until he got congestive heart failure. I lost my mom nearly 10 months ago. I look forward to a time when it may ease, but for now i am grateful to read others experiences. My baby girl passed away 6 months later. When dad started to become frailer we asked them to move back to England so we could help take care of dad if he became more frail. Still, I never felt more alone. I lost my bf jan-21-14. I never got a chance to grieve for my dog and now I was faced to grieve the both of them alone. It is very hard to look at all these people in the face and lie with a smile on your face, telling them that youre okay.. I feel so empty and lost without her. I miss her just as much as I did two years ago. Hello Diana, The Other Side of Grief is a series about the life-changing power of loss. My life feels now like I am walking on a tightrope carrying a boulder in my arms. I understand what you are going through. Im at month 16 and grieving seems to be taking over my life. (His name was Jackie) I have not had one good day. Hes doing it for a reason to help us. That is the way to go- not go on day after day in torture and remorse suffering a lonely death of your own soul. I have not traveled this road as long as you have but I can not imagine a time where I will not miss my love nor a time when tears and despair will not arise but I can see where I will be better though it may be a long time from now. I lost my bf 4 years ago and I thought I was doing well. I have no children, and I cant imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. I knew that I wouldnt have been able to save them. He listens. I lost my wife after 37 years of marriage. Always feeling so empty, so alone. I just had another cry and heart wrenching moment after 1 year and 10 months. I have moments of happiness with my grandkids, but when they go home and Im alone, I just want to disappear. I feel Im constantly stumbling through life on the edge of whats real and whats not. She was crying every day on the way to and from work. She went to hospice, but at least I was But, I want to share some discoveries I found that may bring a glimmer of hope and moment of peace in your journey with grief and suffering. I too have to act for my 2 remaining children because they were so worried about me. God bless. It has been over 2 years and I still miss him so. What did the doctors miss? I lost my only child Rob on Thanksgiving 2016 to a heroin overdose. It seem hes moving farther & farther away I wish I could say I was moving closer to the time I will see him again, but his absence is absolutely crushing, and all I can see is that he is not here anymore my beloved guy. Its almost like drowning, Amber. Village so he could relax and we would enjoy our golden years, but I am thankful I had as many years as I did with him as my best friend. I dont know many widows that are my age, Im 60. every day is a challenger i hate waking up in the morning, I do try to go out and see friends but it really doesnt help, Im not sure how much longer I can continue like this, it has to get a little better I can only hope. He did always know who I was and also his daughters even at the end. . Date Calculators. What that means is that Ive survived (so far) and a lot of people Ive known and loved did not. Brain tumour April 2017 blood clots July 2017 diagnosed with moderate cold August 2017 op for brain tumour Nov 2017 death of mum Nov 2017 deep vein reflux June 2018 he was my rock my life my only ever love and he is gone. A bomb went off in our home and hearts. I cant go bact to where mum passed away or even look at the place when passing same listening to a song that was played at mums funeral. I have a big empty space inside that just wont go away. Before, at least I had some role to play in this horrific scene, but now it feels as though there is an even duller grayness about everything. I feel as though I cant breathe, like it smothering me. Allie: your situation is so like mine. Also her name was Holly and now with Christmas coming. A second Christmas without a child. I hope you know you've been in our thoughts and heart every day since. But the assumption for most is that as long as they can get through that, it should be smoother sailing in the days ahead. For a long time, fear of dropping the ball was governing my life. I too want it to end. After being married for 42 years. That;s This loss has left me feeling like i have lost all ability to find any happiness. ,sad, I cry for my wife married 33years happy together did every thing together ,, small cel lung cancer. My health has been severely affected with a flare up of an autoimmune disease which ironically and surprisingly has helped teach me to live more in the moment and not have too much anxiety about the future. A whole lifetime of wonderment , joy and happiness wiped out, all our tomorrows gone, all our yesterdays so painful to remember without him, it seems like so cannot cry any more, like a numbness has descended into my soul, no laughter no joy. One year has passed since you left your princess and gone to heaven. I left the day they told me my husband was dying g to get my two young adult children. Then in October of 2019 I got a call at work again to come to the hospital and that Kimberly suddenly died of a heart massive heart attack at 54.I couldnt believe it was real and sure enough here I was again, this time I had no way of telling her see you again someday because my brain told me that saying goodbye to Lisa werent the right words. Intense emotional pain and sorrow, sometimes with anger and bitterness. He was 84 & I am 65. He & I were always together & even had the same thoughts many times surprising ourselves when we spoke of them. To those who are grieving too, Im sorry for your loss. When I was a freshman in high school, I got the call I'd been dreading for 10 years. I beg for at least a sign, that he hears me, and nothing yet Trying anything and everything. I lost the love of my life 13 months ago, suddenly of lung fibrosis. The thought of living 20-30yrs without them is so very hard, I know exactly what u mean theres that one love and no body & I mean no body will ever take his place Ill never love again the way I loved him 35 years I was w this man & his gone Im still in a river of tears every oldie comes on the water starts to over flow I dont believe it gets easier I loved him my heart continues to hurt..nothing helps. Im at 15 months 8 days and Ive become a day counter, as if theres some magic milestone I need to reach. this is life what we deal with as best we can. In readdmetion 10 yrs from 1989 ,,2018. Thank you, Kathy..I am so sorry your husbands life ended so needlessly.I would like to think your hubbys buddy is resting with him.my Katie ..my beautiful hound died 7 months after my hubby died and I KNOW she went to be with him..my 17 year old cat died one month before my hubby.so I do imagine them all together..keep strongthinking of you..hugs. i am approaching the second year since my wife died unexpected she went to visit our son and died of a brain aneurysm non his front lawn- Married 36 years- every day is a struggle and as busy as i try to be having two children in their thirties i still feel so lonely when i am alone at bedtime, it is inconceivable that i can be happy again. You may feel guilty for being the one who is still alive. I had no idea grief would be like this and encourage all couples and families to discuss dying and be prepared as much as you can be for death to be a part of your life. This is my second Christmas without him and I promise the nights for me are the worst. The what its are going to kill me. I lost my husband August 22nd 2018 and I too visit the grave site nearly every day, and pray to God to let me be with my love. Amber whatever you do.dont blame yourself no one knows how they would respond in a traumatic situation. Im beyond lost. I lost my husband on 17th December 2016. But I still have so many questions. Marriage 16 mo ago. Four month After losing him, I lost my job. I miss my wife I came home from work 2018 found my wife on the bedroom floor. First, there is great resource here and elsewhere on the internet and in communities. I took for granted that everyones dad was like this, but seeing how my partners dad is, he doesnt even come close, he doesnt come to see our little girl despite living not far, my dad lived for my little girl always asking for her on his almost daily calls and despite his bad knees would be on the floor with her making her laugh. Hello everyone its sad what we all have been through but Im glad for a group like this to share our pain since we all have lost someone we love. I have found that not everyone can understand and thats ok. Shopping and movies are the only things that can take me away from an episode of grief. "Remembering and honoring you on this day, one year after this world lost a precious soul.". But it cant make the feelings and emotions go away all together. It is not as bad as the first year but i still have more sad days than happy. A Erwin Raphael McManus. And youll survive them too. Pray. Then she was born. My mind is crying. I cry and curse yet, but I am not debilitated on the floor for an afternoon. She had battled Ovarian Cancer for 8 years. We loved each other like no other. I beg for him to come home every day. They only thing was he was not responding to any stimuli, he just so happened to have a little brain damage in the best place possible, but after a week, we decided to let him go, the neurologist gave us no possible hope and his numbers were not getting better. Take care all of you & we know were not alone experiencing this. I have had it with the insensitivity of some friends one in particular This is my 2nd Christmas without my beloved husband of 30 yrs. I do experience love and happiness. I miss him every second of the day, that will never change. Wendy I lost my mother two yrs ago this December 22, 2017. You need to feel the pain and work through it! I must have made my mom thousands of cups of tea over the yearshow I wish I could sit with her and have one more. Especially the what ifs and could I have done more for him and remembering his courage during cancer treatment even at the time of his passing. He had lost all his motor skills but not his brain and had 2 holes in his brain. Hang in there. I wont say Im sorry for your loss, though I am, I would like to say I am happy for your gain, in having a love that deep in the first place and still holding it close. Jean was born on September 9, 1940 in Wabasha County to Arthur and Rachel (Kruger . Believe me what has help me here recently is reading all of these post, people have told about losing their loved ones. i have so little motivation to work. My prayers are to hopefully things will get easier. This is good to know. I believe that it will always be a part of my life. I wish all of the posters, that god gives you the strength to be happy, smile, to know that your not really alone. I was with my husband since 17 years old and 46 years married. Though true, it doesnt help. I share everyones pain expressed here. Or maybe its because the more time passes, the longer weve had to live without that person. Where did that year go? I dont understand why! Im disabled so i walk with a caneand in constant pain from that. My throat hurt so bad, I could hardly talk. On top of it all, the flashbacks of seeing him in the pool came often and took me to my knees every time. I cant afford to say in house but can afford 1k a month either. Its been a year. I lost my wife to cancer 22 months ago. I was just finishing my first semester of college and he was the father figure I never had. Scars are only ugly to people who cant see. But mostly hurt and emptyness. This week for no particular reason has been extremely hard. I am so sooty for all the people who is suffering such pain, maybe they are just waiting on us . it never brings back what we had or how do we retrieve. Please do not do that. I work to subsidize my SS. Therapy has really helped integrate my anger. We had problems for a while because of her addiction that she had struggle with for a few years from Pain medication and anxiety and other mental health medication. I just come home and enjoy the dogs and just survive the day. He, of course, was very good at taking care of us all when we were sick. I feel guilty that I am still mourning the loss after two years of my brother`s passing. I sold our acreage in Iowa and moved to Oklahoma to be close to them. I remember the 1st year being a blur. Its heart breaking One of our dogs (Milo) a king Charles took a stroke two months before and died. I have been so sad lately; crying like it happened yesterday, asking, WHY again, unable to breatheand then I realized I was still experiencing the year of firsts.. this was the first year of no firsts.. My husband died 1 year ago. We had such a good relationship as Im sure yours was. I used to wake to a tear soaked pillow but that hasnt happened in a while. To survive is just being alive- I am not living. I sometimes want him to come into the room so badly that I almost believe he will, but then the futility of this hoping hits me and the excruciating desolation that I then feel has me screaming and screaming although no sound is coming out its all internalized. Im very tired of it all. I feel very teary of late and missing him so. Christmas, Easter, my birthday, and now most recently we just suffered a loss five days ago, Thanksgiving, the last holiday not colored by the death of someone special to me. And now guilt because of some things I am doing. the second year, im finding, is lonely. It is very hard, being the eldest, the expectations and the norm of just dealing with parents grief is heart breaking. Hospitals wouldnt admit. And amid the lessening, there are still periods where you feel as though its the 2nd month all over again. I too keep wondering if it will get any better. So, I have been praying that God tell Mike that I am sorry and that I love him and miss him soooo much! I am 41 and lost my husband suddenly 13 months ago. God the pain is excruciating , even to bring my mind back, which I dont do, I feel like I am looking in a glass window at myself, doing all the things I have to do and only those things. Now someone has died on every major holiday. We where married for 29 years. If only I could go back and do things differently but it still wouldnt change the outcome. He was diagnosed with an advanced cancer and died less than a month after. It is different now, but not easier. The grief process has been awful but I am working with it. It is not till something happens in your life that you realise your not alone. He let me sleep late as part of my anniversary gift, and so that day i never told him Good Morning, nor have a good day, nor Goodbye. I feel for all of you so much. He was so above pettiness and saw things though a better side of life. Robin. & loving companion passed 18 months ago. I will forever hate myself. Recently my guilt has shifted. But Istill had hope. I finally was able to pick myself up off the floor one day not ong after that and I decided to take my life back. I have forgotten all his faults which irritated me and as others say, would love to put my arms around him, welcome him home, massage his feet etc. Some people have told me that the second year was actually more of a challenge. Everyday I am wishing for him to come home, I am hoping that one day he would knock on the door and said Im home, the emptiness is killing me everyday, We misses him so much. So much loss for them too. How much more do we enjoy the movie or party that we thought was going to be terrible? Ive been struggling but its been manageable. I just can not move forward as fast as they can. I went back to work on March 25th not long after his passing because I kinda freaked out when there was no money coming in yet so back to work I went. We stay in touch quite well.I just want my life back, but it was my husband that made me whole. "The life of the dead is placed in the heart of the living" - Cicero. I still cry daily but Im told thats not how it is for everyone. This breaks my heart to read. I pray daily that God would take me so that I could be with my wife. And other waves will come. Its becoming real and it sucks. My days run together, its the absolute worst heartache Ive ever experienced. I remember the meltdown in my life, Christmas day.realizing that I would never have another Christmas life my previous 20 years, I cried so hard, I didnt think I could have any tears leftbut they just kept coming. So when he got sick I was always there for him. This thread started an hour after and on the day my wife Shellie passed. No warning no leading up to illness. But, my life, as a widower, as a single man, did not include them just like, I really didnt fit into their life I wasnt their sister, their aunt, or theyre best friend. . I still fill the need to call her sometimes. It is hard for my Ex to deal with me sometimes because of how much she sees how much i Love my wife and wishing she was her, and how special days makes my grief pick up. Ive never cried so much it was like a present from my husband with them been born on Xmas day and saying bye to them was so so hard. He Loved life and taught me and my children to embrace it. I talk to my husband. I wish that I could help. And i am a non violent wwoman! Each day.. I feel the same way about Clay. "To live in the hearts of those we love is never to die" - Hazel Gaynor. I lost my son 2 years ago at age 24. I am trying to give something beautiful from him. She died at the age of six from a 1 in a million chance disorder called fires. For example, if DATEDIF (DATE (1969,7,16),DATE (1969,7,24),"D") returns 1/4/1900, the Date . Over time I get stronger and the boulder doesnt always feel so impossible. It was a very shocking and unexpected episode. This is the question I heard relentlessly from friends, co-workers . - Unknown. There is nobody you can really share the loss with, because the only other person with an equal stake in your life has gone along with all your plans and dreams. I pray for all of us that someday we will find true joy again. Come home, turn on the lights, walk through an empty house, empty life. Night. I am having a horrible time with not having him and I do not know if I will ever be free of my horrible grief. When you lose someone that close to you it is the one time when you can tell the whole world to go jump in a lake if it expects you to get on with things. I am just hoping, somehow it will help to get it out. This keeps me very busy, but after so much love and total togetherness in everything with my dear sweet love, it does not ease the pain One night in November 2016, I went to the bedroom to cry, he heard me and to the best of his ability he called out and said Dont Do That! I struggled to gain my composure so I could return to his bedside,(in living room). I lost 2 strong important women in my family at the end of 2018. We know we loved each other so much but this terrible addiction to everything away including her now. I now know I am normal again with just a different heart. I just miss him so much. My life has forever been changed I have good days and mostly sad Your Grief is Terrifying to Those Around You, How to Get a Better Nights Sleep when Grieving, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Rnyqe1XiP0, The second year of grief | How my heart speaks, https://thepetlosscenter.com/our-locations/hampton. The dr gave be sleeping tabs to get my body /mind back i to sleepmode . I miss him so terribly. It feels like Ive lost a part of my life. I cry more and I need to shift from my lovely house. For a special kind of grief support clickhere: GRIEF COACHING. Its been two years next month since my husband died we were together 52 years we knew each other 56 years. I do not just sit home, I try to be active my church, and also am going for grief counseling, and get together with others. We were supposed to grow old together. I realised also I can now go back to work. My 20 year old son passed away unexpectedly 12 months ago while with his young pup and friends at a river. I lost my wife on August 12, 2018. Moving forward just doesnt seem possible. I sometimes now find it hard to walk down a street that holds. I dont really like the person I am at the moment, but am hopeful Ibwill feel more complete, When my husband was ill and I spent a lot of time stressed and worried, I told a friend that previously my life had been like a bracelet of pearls, but now the pearls were interspersed with pebbles, no more complete happiness. I try to live life as if I am ok, but I am not. It didnt hit me until I was driving out of the hospital parking ramp: I didnt get to take her home. I will keep you in my prayers. Dont put timelines on your grief! tells you to contact the IRS ; Calling outside of these conditions isn't recommended because the IRS representatives won't be able to provide additional information on your tax return status. Ive had periods of peace, but when Im alone sometimes, it hits me hard. She has seen so much suffering. Its hard but we humans keep going. Im trying to keep positive for my other son but inside In broken. You move on , try to meet new people. We got to have him with us another fourteen years or so. The second is Grief Share, Your Journey from Mourning to Joy, a nationally organized support program to help individuals in their most difficult journey. Be free. My story is like yours, the most sudden pulmonary embolism of the love of my life. Now, the black pebbles outweigh the pearls, but there are shining days and I pray and am sure for you, and for me, the beautiful pearls will return, one by one. Biden's $1.5 trillion budget proposal also did not call for funding for the construction of the border wall. My heart is breaking. I am now dating someone Ive known for 40 yrs. If only I could land in some port, any port, perhaps I could find my footing again. Just keep pushing onward and live while you are still able to. Still in a trance i suppose on autopilot she was only 52. I have a lot of support but. 17 months since I lost my beloved Father. We were married 47 years and he was my best friend. If I were writing a book for mourners, thats how Id likely end it: Your dearly departed would want nothing less for you! So far, however, figuring out how to even begin thinking like that just seems way too hard and complicated. There are a number of things you can do to help a grieving cat to overcome the loss. I lost my husband 12/16/2016. This is by far the worse loss i have experienced. Even though my love struggled with Parkinsons Disease for more than 25 years. I will always feel his love. I have wonderful children and grandchildren but as others have stated they are busy with their own lives. I just want to say this to you and I know you wont like but I know you know Im right! i feel like i am stronger than this, i know what i should be doing, but i find myself communicating by email, and everyone has gone back to living their life as they should. Mike was my power house. It's been just a few years since you passed away. -R, I feel so sad reading your story. There is an acceptance of his loss that has begun to take root. I cant remember last Thanksgiving or Christmas but I made it.

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