Is something going on in your relationship that he feels like youre growing more emotionally apart, and physical distance will make him feel more alone? Im anxious and so is my Mother, so Ive been on both sides of this, and I have a lot of sympathy for you, OP, and for your spouse too. I was admittedly super jealous when Booth got to go to Orlando because Disney World is a lifelong obsession of mine, but I didnt beg him not to go, or tell him that all the other wives I spoke to wouldnt allow it . Nobody ever said I wont let you go on that trip, but it certainly wouldnt have ended well if they had. I dont know if this is a sexist response from jealousy? I hope you go to Vegas and find love with someone who doesnt treat you like property. This is part of your JOB. It reminds me of what my parents always said to stop me doing things. I build these horrific scenarios in my mind about what supposedly happened. Maybe OP married him? What do you think?. OP, how long do you think you can tolerate his behavior? You would have to go out of your way to find a casino, a lavish bar with topless entertainment, or an escort service. Not everything is OMG READ GIFT OF FEAR!!! However, as hes not likely to acknowledge his issues without some therapy, couples counseling is probably a sensible place to ask him to start. It can be challenging to know when to kind of cater to her anxiety (she is able to relax much better if I check the door locks before bed than if she does it, so I do it but never more than once a night), and when to decide that her worry about a particular issue has passed the point where I can be supportive and is just on her to manage (I refuse to provide reassurance for a 7th round of what if this offhand comment I made at work was overheard by the wrong person and totally misinterpreted and I get fired and then I cant find another job and then we lose the house?). But I believe that talking it out in clear terms is step one, at least. And they happen to be adjacent to entertainment options that arent strictly relevant to the business conference. Good luck and please update us! Scheduled calls are a great idea. Yeah, it might not be the safest if youre wandering around at night by yourself (just like anywhere, really), but aside from being irritated by the smoke in the casino areas, I had no issues whatsoever. My husband never wants to go out and do things. I have to beg - Quora Privacy Policy and Affiliate Disclosures. We of course send the Im here texts and goodnight and such. Youll be so exhausted from your meetings all youll want to do is get dinner and go to sleep! Especially if you think it is an anxiety-stemming thing, instead of a control-stemming thing. Yes. husband doesn t want to go on family vacation Hopefully this question to AAM will lead in the direction of help. I really dont care if you pitch a fit. Then disengage. Almost every hotel on the strip has some sort of tourist attractions be it rides, shows, or other types of attractions and you can spend the entire day walking from hotel to hotel to see what they offer and have a great (and relatively cheap!) Why do you feel this way?. But a counselor can assess it and go from there. I came here to recommend asking Captain Awkward as well! Just those who DO think its abuse should be aware that when they think that, the best thing to suggest is individual not joint therapy. +1 I think this is good advice! I hope you can get some work done despite your husbands interference while you are gone. This is a bigger picture problem, and I hope you are able to work it out. They plan conferences there because its generally inexpensive, tons of rooms and restaurants, and its extremely easy to get aroundno real need for ground transportation besides getting to and from the airport. husband doesn t want to go on family vacation. My take is that the uptick is in reporting and discussion, not the behavior itself. Ioverheard mymother-in-law say, Did she really have nowhere else togo. You won't have to look over, sideways, and under to find out when new Magic Key sales will be open again. Exactly. The timelines even fit perfectly. When the plans were being made hubby was not over excited but was ok with it. Your stops will be longer because you'll have to take the baby out of the carseat for a little bit. Post author By ; impossible burger font Post date July 1, 2022; southern california hunting dog training . Bucks. If you refuse to go, it is very likely to cause repercussions at work. Ive lived in Vegas for over a decade and have attended many, many conferences here as well as in other cities. This. My bf and I traveled for work constantly. You can drink and dance and play roulette in 43 of the 50 states. A month? I admit I am one of the omg WHAT commenters. You dont get PERMISSION, you agree that something is good, or you dont, but this bs about him letting you go on a work trip is just gross. I go there once or twice a year for my relaxing vacation. Husband may be dealing with separation anxiety, and instead of communicating that, is using Las Vegas husband doesn t want to go on family vacation The OP should do both. Also, they have very little money, so we are . And Im sure theres a lot more I dont know about. It doesnt take the anxiety away, but it seemed to dull some of the crazier bits. If it didn't work you were stuck with a super cringe photo until the next time you tried to get everyone together. Why would you visit Vegas when you live in NOLA, unless it was for work. Its possible that thats part of it given the cheating aspect, but the worried the worst would happen is a very, very common anxiety symptom called catastrophizing. He is unable to let go of these thoughts on his own, they are interfering with his and his spouses quality of life, so he needs some help. You can use this space to go into a little more detail about your company. Im in business, so of course I know that a lot of conferences and normal things to do there, but its a little disingenuous to claim that a location that intentionally markets itself as Sin City doesnt at least have a rep for vice. We had screaming matches over girls night out or any activity that might throw me in the path of men. The idea of where we are in danger is terribly skewed in the US. And I really dont want to camp with a bunch of guys drinking beer, poking the fire and talking about cars (or whatever it is they talk about). Is he anxious about everything, or just the fact that youre going to vegas? My husband knows I am a lone soul sometimes and love my exciting career. If you stay around the main touristy areas especially on the Strip there is security EVERYWHERE. The difference is it wasnt that he didnt trust ME, or that he was worried about me getting drawn into some sinful situation. You cant expect someone with a broken leg to ski down a mountain; you cant expect someone in an irrational state of fear to behave in a reasonable manner *in the moment*. Yeah, like MakeThings Im picturing a lot of Mmmmm. It took getting out (and lots of tears, letting some of the love-roots pull out from my heart with time and distance, and lots of therapy) to realize that he really was some of those things and others he wasnt, but it was irrelevant because he was still hurting me. Im wondering if perhaps your husband doesnt have the life experience of travelling to big cities and realizing that all of them are much different than portrayed in the media? You just cant. Because reallyif the intent is there, a spouse can cheat anywhere. Just that it could be either one. I had no problem with it. And while anxiety is common, abuse is even more so. But I do agree that its extremely possible the OPs husband is, consciously or unconsciously, skewing the results in his favor. I wouldnt be surprised if he straight-up made that up in order to lend credence to his argument. But I come from a history of super-controlling domestic abuse situations, so Ive seen this behavior more times than Id care to admit. Also deploying the well everyone else thinks youre wrong too thing is a really immature way to work through a disagreement. 1. I went to Vegas for work once. Reading it again, its a bit confusing, but I still think the husbands friends arent agreeing with him. I also suggested going to counseling for professional diagnosis and treatment. I love it when my husband goes camping with the guys. Roppongi it is! Last time I was in Vegas (similar situation) I ate at a few off-strip but highly-rated restaurants. Thats an unreasonable stance. If something written is thought to mean the opposite of what it says that is not reading, it is MISreading. Try to stop expecting reasonable behaviour from your spouse when hes in this anxious state. You are agood person for trying tobond with your husbands family. And in really any city, conference facilities are going to be near entertainment options that arent strictly relevant to the business conference, because thats the nature of the city. If it's me, I would prefer stay home and rest till the baby gets older and low maintenance Do it!! Sure there used to be a lot of strip joints, etc., but now the most naked people are in the Cirque shows, and they just look naked. If you dont trust me, and I have not given you reason not to, were done. Her husband is a lovely person in general, but comes from a family that cares very much about keeping up appearances. OMG! On the one hand, youd have to be very clear that hed be on his own while youre in all those meetings/conferences/etc and that you cant spend that time with him but, on the other hand, it may be worthwhile to relieve his stress and anxiety. He does worry about my safety. They go out of their way to watch everyone. My legs were killing me and I my throat was sore :(! Everything he is afraid of is very very unlikely to happen and no more likely to happen in Vegas than any other city. This is stuff you gotta ask yourself. I was thinking the same thing. Her starting point is out of loveshe doesnt want to lose me. Im just going to share my experience if it doesnt fit, let it roll off your back. My only regret about that trip was that it was so last-minute I couldnt get a ticket for my boyfriend, who has never been to Vegas and would have also enjoyed wandering through the hotels and playing a few slots for the free drinks. OP, this is HIS issue, not yours. You sound like a real piece of work. Thats fine! Thats not out of reluctance to let either one out of their sights, but more because when they have the choice to be together, they will be together, and when its unavoidable, they make do as best they can. $57 foie gras burgers and stuff, just total lunacy. Also, thanks to Zappos, downtown is being rejuvenated as an artsy community of sorts, with galleries, boutiques and yes hipstery eateries. Also, if youre like me and my Mother, your emotional reactions could spiral his emotions up, until youre making each other worse. And theres more but I here these comments and the whole story wasnt told. But we had conversations where we discussed what I was doing to stay safe, and we had agreed upon methods of checking in (calling / texting at certain reasonable times, for example). I wear a light, carry a phone, and stay in my neighborhood where I know whats normal and whats not til the sun goes up. She should get out while she can, even if she has children. My husband is a bit more of a homebody than I am, and he very rarely travels for work. That was my thinking toohow much did he lead them into getting the exact answer he wanted? My mom cancelled their first date and was always busy when he tried to reschedule until she finally gave in. At first I was shocked, but that was only due to the misconceptions about that place. Usluge graevinskih radova niskogradnje. I came to say the same thing. But also, my aunt and uncle are pretty bigoted and I know they modeled the idea of a submissive wife and dominant husband for my cousin. Embarrassing Family Photos Make It Hard To Look Away Perhaps this is exhibiting itself in more ways than just this instance, and if so, its especially something youll want to address head on and as a team. (FWIW Im married and work FT and during tax season Ive come home at 10-12 PM. But this doesnt seem to be important to the OP she recognizes that she should be allowed to go on business trips. No, its not, but again Im not just speaking out of my ass here; I have seen similar anxiety issues firsthand. I can believe that he chooses to associate mostly with people who share his views on sin, evil, and temptation. Its definitely a huge red flag that your husband takes a winky tongue-in-cheek ad campaign that seriously. In *that* sense, I think there can be a legit question about when you can gracefully bow out of a work trip, and when you have to stick it out and go. And the entertainment options are essentially endless. Your brain chemistry & brain function is literally abnormal, for a start. Exactly. He can see how boring Vegas really is. That I was RIGHT! I would bet money he didnt tell everyone else the same story he told me. Then the next day drive another five hours and spend the night in a hotel then the final day if we drove five hours we would be at the beach. Might I suggest Hotwire? (I mean, ideally, theyd shut him down, but hopefully, at the very least, they dont actually agree and are just stuck talking to him about this against their will? Spouses dont LET. And voila- you're on the coast! A pregnant woman recently asked the internet for advice after her husband refused to attend any of their doctor appointments. I cant quite tell from this letter if he does yet or notnor if its a true anxiety issue or straight-up manipulative, controlling behavior. However, the husband is being ridiculous. Yeah, this seems so over the top Im having trouble thinking its just about relationship issues. Get yourself some counseling, with or without your husband (and explore whether or not this is the type of relationship that is healthy for you to continue to be in). And LWs husband doesnt get to veto business trips, either. We took a shorter trip while he we breastfeeding and and still did it the same. Note however, I dont think this excuses the employees OR means that its wrong to have a corporate event in Vegas. We walk through various casinos and gawk. I dont know if this is a sexist response from jealousy?. Its like I encouraged a learned behavior. I HATED IT! And there is plenty to do besides gamble. Ill willingly concede that deglove describes something altogether horrible, but deplane is an idiotic, unnecessary, invented word. Actually, prostitution is NOT legal in Las Vegas and gambling is legal in a Million places in the United States. Like, people bring their own experiences to the table here, so might feel invalidated or defensive when its suggested its the other explanation. Do please note, even if he does have terrible anxiety or other mental health issues, hes also behaving in a really sexist manner, and being disabled doesnt give you carte-blanche permission to be a jerk. Maybe hes wrapping that insecurity in fears of what might happen so he doesnt have to address the real issue. Anyway, TL;DR, there can be hope for these situations, despite what the commentariat here may imply. Slot machines are boring, table games make me anxious, I dont like to lose money when I could shop with it instead. Its natural to want to care for your partner. It also couldnt be. assigning women extra work to help them, calling out when youre in the ER, and more. Sogoahead and book that trip, and then make sure you spend asmuch time relaxing aspossible before your departure. Long term I also agree with everyone elses recommendations for anxiety screening and counseling. I used to travel 3 weeks out of the month from Wed-Sun for work and often traveled by myself to large cities as well as smaller locations and never felt unsafe. Vegas skeezy rep is about 50 years out of date at this point. While I was away, he made me upset the whole time with his anxiety of what-ifs and what-nots. Are we sure that survey actually happened? You have to have the autonomy in your relationship to perform the required duties of your job; its not like youre going to shaking it on top of a table at the Cosmopolitan. I do have anxiety and PTSD from my days in the army. Props to you for doing the hard work of managing this problem. Being worried about my safety seemed a bit off since I was being chauffered around with a group of his female relatives. I had a meeting at a school outside of the city and a friend was shocked that there are elementary schools there. But they definitely need marriage counseling. Later I saw an art exhibit. If I had succeeded in keeping my mom from ever leaving the house, I would have started obsessing about the iron falling off the board and burning the house down, or everything flooding, or, or, or. But, at least in that case, she was 100% aware of the power dynamics she signed up for in entering the marriage, unlike our OP. The trip should take about 2 and a half hours, but it took about 3 and a half because we had to stop so I could feed my daughter and change her. Im not superstitious, so I was aware that it was completely bogus that my fears concentrated on that fact, but they nonetheless did. Well the place was built by mobsters to skin the rubes in casinos . Congratulations, his friends are ALSO sexist and manipulative. I call him every day to give him some reassurance that Im fine, and that helps. Finally, I can think of far better places to hold business meetings like Atlanta you have to change planes here anyway, so why not?? Last but not least, take some time for yourself. Okay. Be ready to beg, borrow, steal to brainwash your partner to start traveling with you. Maybe this has been mentioned already (I started skimming when all the comments were the same OUTRAGE) but, would it be possible for your husband to come with you on this trip? So maybe the husband should only attempt to veto conferences in the Midwest? There was no worry about that, my dad trusted her and knew she just needed a little break from being Mom and needed some time being Jane (not her real name) to recharge. Same with mine. If its an issue that they dont trust OP, that probably needs counseling. At least, not something like this, which is a very normal part of having a job. Im not a fan of Las Vegas (i.e., cigarette smoke, gambling, drinking), but many (perhaps all?) I certainly didnt want to give that impression! Since its the church he was raised in, she feels like his judgement rules on that. I take for granted everyone doesnt live this way. We're glad we did it to see it's totally do-able. 4 Things To Remember When Taking Your Partner On A Family Vacation For If youre seeing these things and thinking anything like I cant say that, he would freak outmarriage counseling, please. A few years back my older sister went to LV on a business trip with others. The only thing I dont like about this suggestion is the implication that OPs husband can supervise her to make sure shes not cheating. I lounge by the pool, eat really good food, order wines not available in my area. Many of my colleagues bring their spouse on conferences as a mini vacay for the fun of exploring new cities. He never once demanded I not go, or made me miserable the whole length of my trip, just because hed be less anxious if I was home. If this is more an inexperience thing, it still needs to stop but I think it is less worrying than control/abuse issues. Its also putting some stress on our relationship, because Im starting to feel resentful about the time I have to spend reassuring you. My husband doesn't want to go because of the 14 hour car ride. The more I advance in my company, an the more trips I take, the harder it gets. There are plenty of restaurants and even the pickiest co-workers can settle on a dinner location. OP, I believe that professional help figuring out what exactly is going on (including ruling in or ruling out a medical cause like primary anxiety or OCD) and getting professional treatment based on that, is the best first step for you here. Im sorry, Im not trying to be a jerk, but if you dont think theres anything unwholesome about prostitution (direct quote) I think you may be a cultural outlier. I could understand some concern about being on a business trip to an unfamiliar (at least somewhat) city but this sounds over the top. We live a block away from a grocery store. What if the wife had a job that required lots of travel, but paid well and allowed them to live a good lifestyle.

Famous Leo Woman Pisces Man Couples, Houses For Sale In Eden Isles, Slidell, La, Articles H